It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
