i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
