he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am spending my child support on dildos
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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