it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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