i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
