Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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