I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
