There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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