On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
