Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
