so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have post one night stand depression
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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