he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
