All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
