Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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