Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
