Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
