I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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