I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
