It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
