You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
