So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
