is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
