PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
