Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
