He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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