I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
