There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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