that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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