I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
time to smoke my breakfast
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
