He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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