Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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