Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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