It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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