i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
