haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
