Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The Olympian is in my bed
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize