This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
