you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
