i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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