I just pynch a tree in the face
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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