what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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