Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
