I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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