Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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