Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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