In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Watching her eat just hurts me
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
