My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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