WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
