my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
