I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
