i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
