Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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