We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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