I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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