you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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