You just made me feel so damn special
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
