you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
