it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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