I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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