he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
