DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
