How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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