I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
