in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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