i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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