I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
