Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
