If i come over, it means nothing
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
