She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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