I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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